sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
then he tried to convert me to islam
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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