soooo we both peed the bed last night...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
