I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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