I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
