the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
