I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
