So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
