I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
