I heard we made out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
