A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
