god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
