Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
