i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
