Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
