when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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