He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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