Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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