Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
cat food counts as protein by the way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
