So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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