people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
