in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize