I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
