Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
