i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
