Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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