I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize