I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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