But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
