Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
