I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
