remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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