I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"it" just moved
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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