Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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