he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
