I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
