I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
