Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
