She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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