well I can't set my house on fire every night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My penis needs a shock collar
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
