They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
