How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
