oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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