so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
