Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he fucked my hip out of place.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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