u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
