Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
