i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
