The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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