I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is not my ceiling
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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