He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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