Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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