never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
