I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can I color on your dick again?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize