Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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