I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
