All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
