why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All I want is dick and wine.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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