Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
