well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
