is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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