Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
