so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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