So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My cat gives me a boner
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
