I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
