HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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