Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
