: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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