I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
