you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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