or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
