"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
