and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
