Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the day after is always just damage control
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
