Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize