yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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