Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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