D3 body, D1 cock
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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